Joke

[hightoweratwork]

here's a good one ...rated G

The RCMP Officer And The Motorcycle Rider

An Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer stopped to help a stranded motorcycle rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen.

"Well, pee on it," the Mountie said.

"Can't," replied the rider.

The helpful Mountie unzipped his fly and proceed to pee on the carburetor himself, and the bike soon fired up.

A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP.

[roscopcoletrain]

Nothing Like Good RCMP PEE

[joker650]

Do u know the verry best way to catch an elephant?



First u dig a verry big hole.

Then you fill it full of wood and light it on fire. Let it burn for a cpl days untill it goes out and is nothing but ashes.

Then u go get ur self a whole bunch of peas, and setthem arroundthe edge of the hole.













When the elephant comes to take a pea, u kick it in the Ash hole !

[Buck]

Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

• Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2000 miles.
  
  
• Motorcycles' curves never sag.
  
  
• Motorcycles last longer.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
  
  
• You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
  
  
• You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
  
  
• You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
  
  
• You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
  
  
• When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
  
  
• New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
  
  
• You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
  
  
• You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
  
  
• You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
  
  
• You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
  
  
• If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
  
  
• You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
  
  
• Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
  
  
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
  
  
• Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
  
  
• Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
  
  
• You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
  
  
• It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
  
  
• If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
  
  
• You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

[line]

[Buck]

Ok, Ok... for the sake of equal rights and all that...

Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men


• A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.
• Motorcycles never develop spare tires.
• Motorcycles last longer.
• Motorcycles don't get you pregnant.
• A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is.
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
• Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.
• You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.
• Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.
• If your motorcycle is boisterous, you can buy a muffler.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.
• When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.
• Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy motorcycle.
• If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
• Motorcycles don't care about breast size.
• If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks.
• You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.
• You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.
• You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.
• Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.
• Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.
• You don't have to primp before riding your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.
• If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
• Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.
• Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.
• Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle won't lie to you.
• Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.
• Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold.
• If your motorcycle can't fire up, you can just replace the battery.
• You don't have to cook for your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.
• If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.
• Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you can just get a new one.
• You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.
• Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports.
• Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.
• Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.
• Your motorcycle won't go for rides by itself.
• If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires.
• Motorcycles don't snore.

[JavaJude]

Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back:

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm.
8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda.
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
1. They're too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.

Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back:
10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. The espresso machine just finished.
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer.
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.
1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard.

Top 10 Reasons Sportbikers Don't Wave:
10. They have not been riding long enough to know they're supposed to.
9. They're going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond.
8. You weren't wearing bright enough gear.
7. If they stick their arm out going that fast they'll rip it out of the socket.
6. They're too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips.
5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don't want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank.
4. Their skin tight-kevlar-ballistic- nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal.
3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops.
2. It's too hard to do one-handed stoppies.
1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flop back on.

Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Don't Wave Back:
10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered "bad form."
8. Your bike isn't weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock "comfort" seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to ipod, XM, or talking on the cell phone.
5. He's an Iron Butt rider and you're not!.
4. Wires from Gerbings is too short.
3. You're not riding the "right kind" of BMW.
2. You haven't been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.
And Finally...

Top Ten reasons Metric Cruiser Riders don't wave back:
10. New leather jacket was purchased at the same size as suit jacket.
9. Didn't know that the bike wouldn't fly off the road if left hand was removed.
8. Was looking at the handle bars wondering what accessory could mount where.
7. Was wildly grasping at some valve under seat.
6. Rider was actually pulling up black socks and pulling down on jeans trying to close a few air gaps.
5. Rider was too caught up in reciting his mantra 'Left hand clutch' 'Right hand Gas AND Front brake' 'Left foot Gears' 'Right foot Rear brake' 'And for Gods sake Both feet down at light'.
4. Waved after you went by. You just thought they didn't wave.
3. Was searching GPS to find local Bike wash.
2. Rider wasn't really waving, was doing wind airfoil test with hand and arm.
1. Rider was involved in trying to get new throttle stop to STOP.

Top Ten Reasons Why DUALSPORT Riders Wave:

10 - 2. Happy to be alive and on their bike

1. If other rider is also on a Dualsport bike not only will they wave at each other, both will turn around and stop and chat with each other about where they went, where they are going, when they bought their bikes, who they know that also ride dualsport, where they usually go riding, show off their mods, point out the scratches and dings on their bikes and how they were achieved, the best place they have ever been riding and when they plan to ride again.Then they will exchange phone numbers so they can call each other and go for a ride next time. If it's at the end of the day then they will find the closest pub and have a beer together.

[dooveman]

OK time for me to get in trouble. Hopefully somebody can counter with a top ten KLR list.Personally I think a KLR list would be better, but here goes...

Top ten reasons why DRZ riders don't wave back:

10. Their are waving it's just that they are waving you down for GAS.

9. Waving might throw off their flight tragectory.

8. Their trying to hold onto their bag that is falling off the back.

7. Not used to being on a 2 lane trail.

6. Their sitting on their hand. Anything that can help the monkey butt.

5. They can't see you because their visor has turned their head around in the wind.

4. Didn't see you go by whilethey were changingthe sprockets.

3. Both hands are busy with tire irons.

2. Your riding a KLR.

1. Your bike isn't yellow.